so, i know i haven't been here in ages. simply because i haven't had a lot of photo ops (sadly): but i suppose i'll be able to post once again. i just received the new canon 40D for my birthday. i've always been wanting a more professional camera. i'm trying my best to get rid of my camera shyness (as in me bringing my camera around and taking random pictures of objects and people.)

i'm also hoping to do photoshoots with my friends. i'm trying to practice portraits and candid photography so bear with me.

i'm hoping my skills will increase and become stronger. i'm thankful my parents got me this new camera and being inspired by my dad, i would like to take beautiful photos for him. after all, he started photography around my age as well.

so this one's especially for you dad.

edit://
just realized it's been over a year since i last updated. wow :\

now, i couldn`t stand to see the queen breath her dreams away and tell me her tomorrow will never become today. i say "i used to know a woman just like you, beautiful but jaded by the multitude of men who`d often try to justify the lies with twisted notions of survival and hide behind their armor when karma completes a cycle." she replied that just because i knew a woman well it doesn`t mean i know them all, she begins to think farewell. eyes up to the sky she sighs "i need nobody." true indeed sister but you still need everybody because we hardly know ourselves if we know nobody else and only in our loneliness can home become a hell.

she says "why must we suffer now to not suffer later if later never comes soon enough to soothe the hatred?"

"all i ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way"

..inspiration for my recent submission. man it`s been a while since i`ve put anything new in here. i`ve barely had any photo ops. sad. makes me really sad. but yeah...anyway...harharhar.

i`ve been having a pretty bad/lazy week. makes me so pissed...and even more sad or..i guess depressed (?) that i`m slowly going back to my old lazy ways. ahhh. i`m scared.

i`m waiting for things to get better. but until then...damn everything sucks........

"I must say a word about fear. It is life`s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mid-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelilef and disbelief tries to push it out. But disblief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapon technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeinable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown awaay like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your toune drops dead like a oppossum, while your jaw begines to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to schiver as if they had malaria and your knewws to shake as though they were dance. Your heart strains too hard, while y our sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Ever part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyess work well. They always pay priper attention to fear.

Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allines: hope and trust. There, you`ve defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an imprerssion, has truumphed over you.

The matter is difficult to put into wirds. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with our martal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to chine the light of words upon it. because if you don`t, if your f rear becomes a wordless darness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attackes of fear because you never trule fought the opponent who defeeated you."

chapter 56 from Life of Pi by Yann Martel

omfreakingg.

i hate sudoku! i tried so hard to figure it out. but it made my brain hurt so much. i kinda got far. then i screwed up. i was about...3 rows til finishing. then somwhere along the lines i messed up!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!

i`m SOMEWHAT determined to finish one. but i don`t want to die trying!!!!